There is a sect of accountants that reside on a different floor than us financial beancounters: the dreaded ‘Taxians’. Within that tribe there is actually a caste system where the income tax accountants assume an exalted status and the sales/property tax accountants maintain the role of plebeian form filler-outers. In our estimation, both groups provide the same function: to completely annoy each of us at exactly the worst times.
We have a theory here on the island that when a Taxian is hired, they are issued a sort of ‘irritation alarm clock’ device. This contraption gauges when we are bored out of our minds versus when we are buried under an avalanche of cascading deadlines. The alarm sounds whenever it is most inconvenient to have a visitor, and will howl until the Taxian is officially en route to antagonize his/her victim. An interruption from an income tax accountant can be easily countered by simply ‘going away’ to somewhere peaceful in my mind, while also chanting key words like “book value” or “depreciable life”. The real challenge is to ward off the occasional sales tax troglodyte, since no small issue is easily explained to them, and every encounter sucks the professional essence from my very soul.
To illustrate, let’s relive a real encounter from last month – picture your humble narrator, worked into a productive frenzy, and well, obviously very freaking busy:
Troll: Hi Savage! Do you have a second?
Me: Of course – I was just hoping that someone would completely obliterate my train of thought.
Troll: Great! I’ll just be a minute – can you tell me if we are still operating at location X?
Me: Hardly likely since we’ve sold every asset except the land.
Troll: Really, so no sales then?
Me: Umm, more than likely – no.
Troll: And we still have the land?
Me: Even now. Here is the rather thick purchase agreement for all the assets we did sell, go make a copy, and take your time.
Three minutes elapse…..
Troll: Here is your original, thanks a bunch.
Me: You’re welcome, anytime. Hey Troll, guess what??
Troll: What??
Me: You know, in those three minutes you were away – we sold the land!!
Troll: Really?!?
Me: No.