Upon graduation, every accountant not only receives a parchment symbolizing commitment to a life of diminishing eyesight, but also his/her own personal candy bowl!  Acceptance of the bowl is a contract entered into in which the accountant promises to maintain a certain daily chocolate level that will ensure maximum expansion of your bottom over the span of your career.  

Here on the Island, we Financial Accountants share our floor with two other accounting clans – here is the candy bowl to butt ratio (estimated) of each group:

Financial Accountants  1:1

Tax Accountants              1:1.5

AP Clerks                              2:2 

We Islanders also supplement our candy bowl diets with birthday breakfasts.  Deranged Assistant is in charge of maintaining the annual calendars, published for all to see and be alerted to various agings of various beancounters. Should your name be on the calendar, you will walk in on your birthday morning to a cube teeming with baked goods.  Then, the rest of the day you are forced to receive guests proffering forth phony wishes in order to get fed.  Then, once the grazing has been deemed sufficient by the Tribal Elders, you get the pleasure of marching all the leftovers into the big kitchen for the rest of the company vultures to feed off from.  It is very Serengeti. 

Finally, there are monthly luncheons in the chairs from hell.  All accounting clans march through a buffet trough and then squeeze into tiny tables that could comfortably seat six, but in this case bulge with ten of our ample rumps.  The chairs can only be likened to a praying mantis or sea anemone, because it detects human backside, it clamps on for dear life.  Should you attempt to escape the iron maiden chair it usually will accompany you.  I’ve chosen this moment to give visual aids a try! 

Pre-ass chair of death:                    

Chair of death with victim firmly in its clutches:

It is at this time that I realize I should have included a warning disclaimer about the violent content of this post – my sincerest apologies.  This victim did eventually escape and is alive and well in her cube.  Also, no accountants were hurt in the filming of the event.